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A Desk Decorating Guide for a Stress Free Work Zone

2/24/2016

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Despite your co-workers beliefs, your desk is not chitchat central, a dumping ground for reports or the place to throw away unwanted snacks. Your workspace should be a place of zen, complete with all the tools you need to “beast mode” your tasks from 9 to 5.
 
We’re not really into any hippie dippy movement that calls for patience. For example we think Child’s Pose is a just a fancy yoga name for napping. Newsflash, sleep is not a new relief for stress. You can’t fool us Internet stratosphere! Despite our little rant we’ll try anything at least once, especially if it prevents us from recreating the fax machine-bashing scene in Office Space. Enter desk Feng Shui. So first we start off with a little Chi chat. Apparently everything is Chi because energy is Chi. We’re not positive what this means but apparently even our beloved Wi-Fi affects our Chi.
 
First things first you’ve got to clean that desk.
Those dust bunnies you’ve come to think of as your cubicle mates (possibly best friends) are interfering with your Chi. Report them to a duster and then fire them into the trashcan. Also kindly go through all that paper that you were forced to print that means absolutely nothing. (Side note, who even prints anymore? So wasteful. Mother Nature judges you.)
 
Next, there is a grid you should follow when working on Feng Shui, please see below. The Bagua Map is apparently the key to your happiness and success.

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[Art Credit: Gates Interior Design Blog]

Anyway, here’s the breakdown of what your new stress-free, smile-inducing, sleep-enhancing, life-changing desk should look like.
 
  1. Bottom Left Area- In your wisdom corner you need to showcase tools that keep those brain cells chugging along. Be it your notes from a webinar,  or your snooty but life changing copy of The Alchemist.
  2. The Middle Left Area- This space should be your happy place. Put something of value from your personal life in this desk space, whether it is a treasured gift from your family or a gold framed photo of your majestic cat, Professor Meowington Frisker the 3rd. It just needs to be something that can get through the million layers of stress to that big red heart we hope is beating somewhere in that chest of yours.
  3. Top Left Area- This is that area that should be “making it rain” in the financial department. You’ll mostly likely place your computer here unless you’re a welder, and if that’s the case stop reading this article! What do you need a desk for? You should not be reading while operating heavy machinery!
  4. Bottom Middle Area- Your career area is where all your work tools should be. In our case we like to keep this space pretty empty except for a keyboard. While typing the millionth sales report we tend to snap and start whacking the crap out of a Dammit Doll. Open space equals no broken desk items.
  5. Middle Area- This your “Health” area so we’re going to recommend keeping the snacks that you tell yourself you’re going to eat but never really do in this space. Water might be worthy enough to stake here. Keep a back-up Snickers in a drawer for your hangry alter ego. 
  6. Upper Middle Area- Your fame area is where you’re supposed to show everyone that the new sheriff is in town and you mean business! Feel free to put your name and title on a big ol’ fancy letterhead. Don’t have a title? Well dust off that sense of humor and come up with something funny. “The Boss” or “Crazy Cat Lady” or “Significant Other” or “Professional Zombie” could work.
  7. Bottom Right Area- This is your destination section. Make sure to put a travel goal in this area. If nothing else, it will remind you of those vacation days you’re going to be using which, like a Friday, can really help get us through the workweek.
  8. Middle Right Area-This is your creativity section. The place where your genius ideas, like creating a double stuffed Somo Girl Scout cookie, take place. Keep an inspirational notepad or a cool post it notes stack in this area. It’s also a perfect spot for a Stress Head when a creative block hits.
  9. Upper Right Area- This is your relationships area so if you’re a millennial just place a piece of paper that says, “It’s complicated” and forget about it. For everyone else, relationship doesn’t just refer to love. Try to rope in your co-workers with a bowl of candy. Who knows, a friendly chat may lead to an office breakthrough! Like who keeps moving the community stapler?
     
Always set up your desk for success. The work place is a battlefield, your personal space should make you feel as safe as a baby in the womb. Want the deets on Dammit Dolls? Sign up for our newsletter below, DAMMIT!
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